My Journey

The following was written on Mother’s Day..

        My childhood memories were a mixture of joy and pain.  Having you dress me up for school, fixing my hair, giving me fairy tale books as presents, checking my notebooks when you come home from work, telling me stories of your childhood days were some of the things that have caused me joy.  When you left to secure our future, I’ve experienced a certain kind of "emptiness" that later was giving me pain.  I didn’t like it…I didn’t quite understand it…I grew up cold with you but such has only caused me much more pain.  In my thirty’s now, I still can’t completely fathom the wisdom of your decision but I realized that never did you mean to hurt us, your children.  You’ve sacrificed, bracing all dangers in a foreign land just so we can survive each day.  You want us to know you’re happy even if you’re "bleeding."  How do I know this?  The smile on your lips doesn’t reach your eyes in those photos you sent back here…..

         Come what may, I can never change the truth that you willingly submitted yourself to be our mother.  You bore us in your womb for nine months and that was not easy.  I’m not a mother and may never will but I’ve heard and read enough to convince me that indeed a woman who is giving birth finds half of herself in the grave.  Life was difficult; you could have opted to deny this lifetime to us but you didn’t.  You worked hard to make both ends meet; you managed to give us a portion of the so called "happy childhood."  You put up a brave front if only to keep us well and good.  Part of how I have become I owe it to you.  I believe that you have made a great influence on my character, most especially.  Optimism, resiliency, "the nothing can break me down" attitude, humility and love for life may not be of me if not because of you….

        The Mommy I’ve known is crazy and carefree.  I used to despise her for this but not anymore since I’ve realized almost a decade ago that she’s happy the way she is and she deserved to be happy what after all those struggles having to raise us up.  Mommy is not perfect but she’s the best!