My Journey

The following was written days before the funeral…..

I was in sixth grade when the first EDSA Revolution took place. It was not my interest to watch or read the news back in those days. But I remember our class adviser mentioning about the “trouble” happening in Manila. She didn’t elaborate, though and so that left me wondering…..Zamboanga City was miles away from Manila.

Before EDSA Revolution I were two events which I thought that time were significant because my parents and relatives were talking about them–the assassination of Sen. Benigno Aquino and the presidential election. For me, it was an adult stuff and therefore was not bothered at all. I learned though that the late senator was a critic of the administration of President Ferdinand Marcos and his death could have possibly caused by his blunt comments about the Marcos’ administration. He was brilliant, they said. The memory of the presidential campaign during that period was marked by a LABAN sign and shouts of Cory-Doy!. I heard them saying that Cory was the widow of the slain senator. She didn’t win in the electoral race due to massive cheating, that’s what the adults were discussing. However, people from all walks of life including the religious and the military joined hands asking President Marcos to step down. They succeeded. Cory became the president.

I have admired President Cory Aquino ever since I came to know her as the first woman president of the Philippines. Back in my younger years, I have regarded her as “superwoman” because of the positive things the country has experienced due to her brave decision to respond to the call of time to lead our country. She was not exempted from criticisms but never did I hear comments that she’s a corrupt leader. She endured coup attempts and stood by those fighting for the protection of our democracy.

Wide-rimmed glasses and yellow dress have become her symbols. She’s prayerful and would often seek spiritual guidance from a religious. Whenever I watch a glimpse of her on T.V., she was always composed. From the stories I heard, she’s wealthy but there was not trace of arrogance in her. I saw in her a gentle and loving mother; a humble and sincere servant of this nation; a woman of character.

I am a martial law baby and am honored to have witnessed a woman who took care of the one and only country I’ve got like her own family. On Wednesday, the whole nation shall pay its last respect to the woman who made quite a history. The woman from whom I learned DEMOCRACY in the truest sense of the word. The mother who gave me FREEDOM.

I will not be earning my income on Wednesday but what is that compared to all that President Cory has done? That’s the least I can offer to say THANK YOU MADAM PRESIDENT FOR BRINGING MY GENERATION OUT OF THE DARK.

“What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and ends up losing his soul?” Why do we deviate from what we are meant to be? Until when do we deny to humanity the reality that we are God’s creation and, therefore, we are meant to be true; we are meant to be good.

Whenever major exam period comes, I always hope that I won’t find myself having to report students for CHEATING. It makes me downhearted. But the tide was against me because during the prelim exam I brought five names to the office of the guidance counselor. Three were caught discussing and passing a booklet; one was browsing a notebook; the other placed an open book in front of him. The most alarming part of all is the reaction of the class upon confiscation of exam papers and evidence–they burst into laugher. I haven’t even seen any remorse or guilt feeling on the faces of students involved! What happened to these kids? They seem to lack awareness of the gravity of seriousness of the act they’ve committed. What could have been a grave offense was fun for them. They do not realize that CHEATING is stealing, lying, and corrupting. CHEATING is a denial of the truth about our person.

My reaction maybe an exaggeration to others. They are taking this issue lightly but I am not. When I chose this profession, I am not only going to impart my knowledge on the students but am giving them proper guidance as a parent. This is part of the deal. Personally, I believe that the school is a place where these young minds should witness the light.

I am disturbed by the thought that the principle of honesty maybe clouded by the opposite principle the students experience around them–at home, in the community, in school…But isn’t honesty a universal truth? Notwithstanding, I feel that as an educator a great responsibility rests on our shoulders to lead the students to go beyond the knowledge of such truth and ultimately put it into practice. Finally, to be effective, we must walk our talk…..

REINA, JULIUS, ALBERT, CECILLE, GABRIEL, EDUARD, ARJAY, ROSE ANN, VIVIAN, ARLYN, KAYE, LOI, ROSE-ANN, JON-JON, ENRI, PAUL, APRIL, JULIE ANN, ANGIE, ABEGAIL. These names might be common but not the persons I personally know behind these names. Beautiful and true. Today, the heavens stormed me with angels through them. An hour or so, each one took turn to show me a picture of the beautiful side of this world with their “I am who I am.”

While others were more confident and spontaneous in their delivery, the rest were obviously fighting to conquer their stage fright and grammar and enunciation weakness. Because this was an assignment, they were aware that what and how they will present will determine the mark they will earn for that session. But if I were to grade them for the impact they have caused in me, everybody could have earned as high as 100%. I have had a lot of “aha” moments while listening to their stories. I experienced goose bumps; I almost broke in tears; I laughed and smiled; felt the leap in my heart. I was enlightened. The inspiration overflows.

It is not by chance that I met these young people. I am an educator. It’s expected that I will be with students, but of all, why them? Today, I’m sure none of the above mentioned names realized how much they taught me. As they sweat themselves in their P.E. class as of this moment, they don’t know that the lessons I’ve got have touched my whole being. I have become a different person–better this time. Once again, I got the affirmation that I am in the right job. My existence is more meaningful because I am taking an active role in molding young people to become responsible citizens of this world and they allow me to carry on such.

I could have sticked with concepts and theories and grade their outputs each time but a voice is telling me to go beyond that. It’s telling me to bring these young people to a level where they could appreciate life more by being able to explore more the person in them through the application of the subject matter. How do I make them fully human? How do I allow myself to become fully human through them? I feel that these are the more important questions in this profession where I am.

I can make or break. I can love or hate. I can smile or frown. I can be a mentor or tormentor. MAKE, LOVE, SMILE, MENTOR–my choice. My deepest appreciation to the BE3MA CLASS OF AICS-CALOOCAN for the opportunity. To Abegail, even your silence is something…

Once upon a time, there was this young woman who caught my attention during of those enrollment season in Ateneo. she was wearing a white tee, tight-fitting denims,, and a bulldog shoes. Pettit with short hair, she was standing there in the middle of male students that only enhanced her tough and “don’t mess up with me” looks. I kept looking at her because she was very pretty yet not feminine nor masculine. She was not saying anything that time although those around her were roaring. With folded arms and serious face, she just stood there waiting for her name to be called…

She became my classmate. I must say that she was famous because my other classmates were talking about her. I came to know that she came from London and her husband was also attending the same school. She finished high school from an exclusive school and she has a “kuya” working for SACSI. But more than anything during that time, she was one of the bright students in the class. I thought how lucky she was for being blessed with all those. We were not of the same peer group, then but i got the chance to work with her when she was elected President of the Management Academic Organization.

I’d like to believe that fate has it that we meet again and work together because after college, we were both employed by Ateneo as college instructors. My admiration for her didn’t disappear. She was all beauty and brains and looked confident. I felt somewhat intimidated to get close to her although she was being friendly with me. As days gone by, slowly, i went out of my shell and started a good friendship with her. When we were friends already, these are the things I learned about this woman:

• It’s not difficult at all to go along with her.
• She looks “sosyal” but she’s a “cowgirl”.
• She’s bubbly and never runs out of jokes. Even if she’s not feeling well, you will not notice it because she’s full of life.
• She’s all woman. She’s a a”fashionista” but never a victim of fashion. Her get-up is always a combination of clothes, bag, and shoes.
• She collects nice pieces of jewelry and loves coffee.
• She falls asleep in the middle of reading a book and has a bad memory (she would forget where she put the book i lend to her grrrr……).
• She gives roses to a girl friend on her birthday.
• She turns crimson when she takes liquor.
• She sings with her Magic Sings with much gusto.
• She drives a car and got a certificate on automotive.
• She loves to look good all the time.
• She only likes one shade of lipstick, natural or skin tone.
• She has the tendency to keep a favorite for days depending on her craving.
• She knows how to cook yummy foods.
• She’s a liberal catholic; loves retreat and things about spirituality.
• Deadline is deadline, for her.
• She’s a Master in Business Administration.
• She’s a certified nurse.
• She speaks good English.
• She can’t read without her glasses.
• Her big crush is Brad Pitt.
• She has a beautiful daughter, Nicolle.
• She cries when things are too much to bear.
• She’s a “role model” to someone (you know who i am referring to, Ge =)).
• She likes watching the sunrise and the sunset.

I can go on and on in my list but there’s one thing about this woman that has made a difference in my life - generosity. There was a point in my life when i was broke to the point of not even something food to eat. I’m not sure for how long she was bringing packed lunch which she would share with me half of it. I appreciated life better because of people like her. She taught me one valuable lesson in this life, that is, the joy of sharing. Since then, I told myself that i will not only be generous with my loved ones but also with those who are in need without expecting anything in return. My life was touched by this woman and no doubt she has touched others, too.

Geraldine, the woman whose beauty goes beyond the surface, is a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I pray that happiness and peace of mind will be hers always…

The last time I saw him was in an ICU.  He was very ill yet he recognized each one of us gathered around his bed.  In his sickbed, he remained the very bubbly Atty Baban that I’ve known.  His loving wife and daughter had to remind him that it’s not good for him to talk for a long time.  It took a while before he was made to cut short the story he was telling us with the promise that we will set another visit schedule to see him and by then he can continue with his story…..I didn’t get to visit him anymore after that neither get to listen to the part two of his story. He has been called to join our Creator…

The friendship I found in Atty Demosthenes Baban is one that has a great impact in my character as a person.  I heard him speak with great love and pride about his family.  I saw there the essence of being a caring father and husband.  Plang-Plang, his personal assistant before, was treated like his own family.  To his colleagues at CMA, everybody was sprinkled with with generosity, from the daily supply of ilang-ilang flowers, green mangoes, bananas, redwine, ice cream, myrna’s cake, lechon, avon products, pearls, clothes.  He seemed to be drawing happiness from being this generous.  He was not only all out in giving away these small things, he was sharing his life by being of service to the students, to his friends and colleagues, and those in need.  Never did I hear him turn down someone.  He tries his best to do what he can to be of help.

I love listening to all his stories even if there are those I’ve heard for the nth time already. He was like breathing life in me because every time, I will end up with a realization how beautiful life is already is just listening and learning from someone like Atty Baban.  He inspired me to never give up the zest for life; that age should not be a hindrance in doing what you are passionate about.  He reminded me that there is no such thing as second best, just the BEST.  I really look up to his intelligence and eloquence. More than anything else, he moved me to be generous not for any other reason but simply because there is joy in sharing….

I still have have in my possession all the gifts he gave me on my birthdays.  If I’m not mistaken, we were able to celebrate our birthdays together once or twice at the CMA. I am March 30, he’s March 29.  Always, when I get hold of any of them, I can’t help but smile at as I recall the moments….

Atty Demosthenes Baban, a very good friend…a man with a big heart…a man with a beautiful story to tell….

Annie, a very good friend, is one of the reasons why I celebrate this life.  I always believe that in this lifetime, God gives us our angels with flesh and blood.  They are those who will make the journey less difficult when high waters come.  I am, indeed, blessed to have been given one.

As I write this, I am at the height of my emotion.  I long for her presence because it’s been a while since the last time we sat together and talked about LIFE.  She has touched my life in many ways…the big sister I wish I had (though she’s younger than me).  I looked up to her simplicity, charm, humor, and perspective about life.  She can do anything for a friend–defend your name, surprise you on your birthday, listen to your problems, comfort you in sorrow, be with you when you’re alone, crack jokes, etc. etc.

Annie is a great travel companion.  I will never forget how she "forced" me to go with them to Camiguin.  If not because of her, I could have not discovered that island.  It was crazily wonderful when we had that vacation.  On our way back to Zambo, I got sick; she took care of me.  Quite thoughtful of her that whenever she’s on travel, I will always have "something" from her when she comes back.   On weekends, when we are free, we watch a movie with popcorn and hotdog sandwich. Most of the time, when we are not working, we just meet somewhere and talk. Our topics would include the latest from Paulo Coelho, dream vacation, family, relationship with the significant other,and work.  And when we’re together, time moves fast….

My friendship with Annie is a treasure.  Even in old age, she’ll always be like how she is to me now.  We will still go on a vacation and she’ll still be a great travel companion… we will still watch movie together and eat popcorn and hotdog sandwich…we will talk talk about Paulo Coelho.

We may be far from each other physically right now but deep in my heart I know that she remains my good friend.  As for me, there’ll be only one Annie and no matter how many friends I’ll make, no one can come closer to how she is and the space that she has in here…

Not long time ago, a person crossed my path…
An unknown, yet something about him left an imprint in me.
It might be the "fragile" look or the sincerity in the eyes
He appeared "soft", my opposite, which may explain why…

I would always say I LIKE HIM
He’s fair, got a beautiful face, and intelligent.
Women at my age, I believe, has every right
To be vocal, to be expressive in the aspect of admiration.

The subject is now not anymore just an object
But a significant other in this part of the journey
I am not only able to see what’s on the surface
But even that which lies beneath and at the center of him

Surely, he got me, even turn my knees to jelly
Conversing with him has never been dull
Anyone who’ll let go someone like him
Has missed a precious gem in this lifetime….

        The world of mine takes on a height I’ve never known before…It used to be dark, dull, dusty, a den of faceless and hostile creatures…I moved cautiously, almost tiptoeing as I find my way towards the light.

        First, I found some greens in the shelter that houses me.  sure, this has infused some nutrients into my fading hope…Second, I woke up one morning to a voice echoing in the neighborhood, the same voice that lulls me to sleep at night.  I don’t mind anymore if its literally a noise.  The next thing I’ve crossed path with are pairs of kind eyes telling me I can trust the owners should I need a guide..I’m not alone anymore.

        My steps have quicken and a bit stable, like a child who finally learned how to walk without support. With this progress, comes a beautiful feeling of wonder…The dust is not totally cleaned yet but the dullness has been replaced by a rainbow of humble challenges.  There’s a light now, the brightness enough to allow me to see the beautiful faces that surround me..

        The most beautiful face has come closer like thunder and lightning shaking me out of my senses..My steps have become leaps, almost flying—what a wonderful world mine has become..:)

The following was written on Mother’s Day..

        My childhood memories were a mixture of joy and pain.  Having you dress me up for school, fixing my hair, giving me fairy tale books as presents, checking my notebooks when you come home from work, telling me stories of your childhood days were some of the things that have caused me joy.  When you left to secure our future, I’ve experienced a certain kind of "emptiness" that later was giving me pain.  I didn’t like it…I didn’t quite understand it…I grew up cold with you but such has only caused me much more pain.  In my thirty’s now, I still can’t completely fathom the wisdom of your decision but I realized that never did you mean to hurt us, your children.  You’ve sacrificed, bracing all dangers in a foreign land just so we can survive each day.  You want us to know you’re happy even if you’re "bleeding."  How do I know this?  The smile on your lips doesn’t reach your eyes in those photos you sent back here…..

         Come what may, I can never change the truth that you willingly submitted yourself to be our mother.  You bore us in your womb for nine months and that was not easy.  I’m not a mother and may never will but I’ve heard and read enough to convince me that indeed a woman who is giving birth finds half of herself in the grave.  Life was difficult; you could have opted to deny this lifetime to us but you didn’t.  You worked hard to make both ends meet; you managed to give us a portion of the so called "happy childhood."  You put up a brave front if only to keep us well and good.  Part of how I have become I owe it to you.  I believe that you have made a great influence on my character, most especially.  Optimism, resiliency, "the nothing can break me down" attitude, humility and love for life may not be of me if not because of you….

        The Mommy I’ve known is crazy and carefree.  I used to despise her for this but not anymore since I’ve realized almost a decade ago that she’s happy the way she is and she deserved to be happy what after all those struggles having to raise us up.  Mommy is not perfect but she’s the best!